Benched!

This is actually my entry for Thursday, November 6, 2008 (a week ago)

The game was horrible! i had the worst experience!

First of all when i got there i thought i had lost my blue jersey, so i was stressed right out about that! Then, when coach put me into the field, at last second she told me my position, left defense. I thought i could feel my heart pounding in my chest when she said that! I don't play defense, I can't play defense, and i don't know how to play defense! I was scared to death! I told her quietly as i was running "coach, i don't play defense". When i said that she flipped out. She was soooo mad. And continued to be ridiculously angry the rest of the game. She took me off the field pretty quick after that, and only put me back on for a few minutes later in the game. I was feeling horrible about it, i said i was sorry (i really was), and she wouldn't accept it which made me feel worse. The whole game i felt so crappy about myself, like i must have been one of those not so good players on the team, i thought that's why i was benched. Everyone was telling me also that i should be in net (goalkeeper), so i felt obligated like i should be there, at least there i could prove myself useful to the team, instead of as a bench warmer.
Anyway i was feeling absolutely sick to my stomach, horrible, useless, puthetic and stupid sitting on that bench. I couldn't even focus on the game because i was feeling like i did something so wrong, and couldn't figure out what.

It wasnt until after the game that i was able to regained some of my confidence back. She pulled me aside after everyone was gone. She said she was aware that she took her frustration out on me more than anyone else, but she said i need to be ready for any for any position at all times. I could tell she was just really upset at the way the whole team played. i realized she benched me cause she was mad at what i said at that moment, not at my playing.

at the end i told her "coach i want to play in the net" ... Oops. She did not like that, she didn't say anything, but that's only cause she tried really hard not too either wise she would be like a walking volcano out of her mouth! I figured that's what she wanted to hear, but i was definitely wrong... oh well i still have a whole season, ill figure her out sooner or later...

Malia