Benched!

This is actually my entry for Thursday, November 6, 2008 (a week ago)

The game was horrible! i had the worst experience!

First of all when i got there i thought i had lost my blue jersey, so i was stressed right out about that! Then, when coach put me into the field, at last second she told me my position, left defense. I thought i could feel my heart pounding in my chest when she said that! I don't play defense, I can't play defense, and i don't know how to play defense! I was scared to death! I told her quietly as i was running "coach, i don't play defense". When i said that she flipped out. She was soooo mad. And continued to be ridiculously angry the rest of the game. She took me off the field pretty quick after that, and only put me back on for a few minutes later in the game. I was feeling horrible about it, i said i was sorry (i really was), and she wouldn't accept it which made me feel worse. The whole game i felt so crappy about myself, like i must have been one of those not so good players on the team, i thought that's why i was benched. Everyone was telling me also that i should be in net (goalkeeper), so i felt obligated like i should be there, at least there i could prove myself useful to the team, instead of as a bench warmer.
Anyway i was feeling absolutely sick to my stomach, horrible, useless, puthetic and stupid sitting on that bench. I couldn't even focus on the game because i was feeling like i did something so wrong, and couldn't figure out what.

It wasnt until after the game that i was able to regained some of my confidence back. She pulled me aside after everyone was gone. She said she was aware that she took her frustration out on me more than anyone else, but she said i need to be ready for any for any position at all times. I could tell she was just really upset at the way the whole team played. i realized she benched me cause she was mad at what i said at that moment, not at my playing.

at the end i told her "coach i want to play in the net" ... Oops. She did not like that, she didn't say anything, but that's only cause she tried really hard not too either wise she would be like a walking volcano out of her mouth! I figured that's what she wanted to hear, but i was definitely wrong... oh well i still have a whole season, ill figure her out sooner or later...

Malia

Cuts

I have my first soccer game today, and i am so excited! My usual jersey number is #7, but somehow i wasn't able to get it this year, so I'm stuck with #15. I guess i can only be grateful because i was one jersey away from getting a size large! That would stink! Its funny how all these small little things are such a big deal, when they really don't matter. i found myself stewing, and being mad that i didn't get my lucky number since 1st grade last night, when i realized how ridiculous and pointless it really was. I still get to play, I still have my size, I didn't get cut from the team, and i still get to play my favorite sport. Who cares about a stinkin' number!

Poor Cheyenne... Our coach didn't do "cuts" this year, but we only had eighteen jerseys, so only eighteen people got one. Cheyenne wasn't on that list of people. Her along with a lot of players didn't get a jersey, i felt sad for them. I was really glad about how my coach handled it. She said she would love to see the players keep coming to practice and supporting the team. She said its good for their exercise, good to improve their skill, and good for them to continue to come to make friendships. We can all still be a team even though we didn't all get a jersey.
I really believe that if Cheyenne had been to every practice, and worked her best she would have made it, but she missed allot of practices, and when she did come she was suffering because of her blistering feet, or she had a stomach ache and didn't feel good. Coach also said that it is possible for players to get kicked off the team because of bad attitude within the girls, within the parents, bad grades, sickness/illness, or any other possible thing that could happen. I think maybe she felt some hope from that. I asked her if she was alright, and she seemed to be fine, she said she needs the exercise so she'll continue coming. I think she new that was all coming, and accepted it before hand.

I'm anxious to see how the game will go. Ill update on the details about it when i can...

Malia

Time To Start

Hello anyone who may be reading...
Well, ive always wanted to start a blog, but ive never known what to write, or where to start. I'm usually pretty good at writing in my journal, im not so much a good writer, but i guess the more i write the better i'll get. I love reading what other people write, i think it is so interesting, hopefully my writing will catch interest in other poeple too. Anyway, for now i need to go, but i decided that if i'm going to have a blog, its probably about time i got atleast on entry in...
Malia